How to Win Friends and Influence People

 Author: Dale Carnegie

Originally published: October 1936

Self note

Practical – Every day

1. Become genuinely interested in other people
2. Smile
3. Remember people names - made them feel important
4. Give honest and sincere appreciation
5. Be a good listener, encourage others to talk about themselves
6. Make the other people feel important, do it sincerely. ‘Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.’

Negotiation

1. Begin in friendly way, avoid argument. Don't condemn, criticize, complain
2. Talk in terms of the other person's interests  stop talking about what you want, but try to see other people's viewpoint, how can I make this person want to do it?
3. Get the other person saying ‘yes, yes’ immediately
4. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking
5. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers
6. When you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. Say respect to other people's opinion, never say you are wrong, Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires
7. Appeal to the nobler motives, dramatise your ideas, throw down a challenge

Leadership

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation
2. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticising the other person
4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
5. Let the other person save face
6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be ‘hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.’
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

From Book

Part 1. Fundamental techniques in handling people

1. Don't condemn, criticize, complain

2. Give honest and sincere appreciation

3. Arouse in other people an eager want (stop talking about what you want, but try to see other people's viewpoint, how can I make this person want to do it?)

Part 2. Six ways to make people like you

1. Become genuinely interested in other people

2. Smile

3. Remember people names - made them feel important

4. Be a good listener, encourage others to talk about themselves

5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests

6. Make the other people feel important, do it sincerely

Part 3. How to win people to your way of thinking

1. Avoid arguments

2. Say respect to other people's opinion, never say you are wrong

3. When you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically

4. Begin in a friendly way

5. Get the other person saying ‘yes, yes’ immediately

6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking

7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers

8. Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view

9. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires

10. Appeal to the nobler motives

11. Dramatise your ideas

12. Throw down a challenge

Part 4. BE A LEADER

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation

2. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly

3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticising the other person

4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders

5. Let the other person save face

6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be ‘hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.’

7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.

8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.

9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

Deep Work

 Author: Cal Newport

Originally published: January 5, 2016

Introduction

• Deep Work: Professional activities performed in a state of distraction-free concentration that push your cognitive capabilities to their limit. These efforts create new value, improve your skill, and are hard to replicate.
• Shallow Work: Noncognitively demanding, logistical-style tasks, often performed while distracted. These efforts tend to not create much new value in the world and are easy to replicate.
• More time spent in shallow work will permanently reduce our capacity to perform deep work.
• The Deep Work Hypothesis: The ability to perform deep work is becoming increasingly rare at exactly the same time it is becoming increasingly valuable in our economy. As a consequence, the few who cultivate this skill, and then make it the core of their working life, will thrive.
• A deep life is a good life

PART 1 - THE IDEA

1. Deep Work is Valuable

• As intelligent machines improve, and the gap between machine and human abilities shrinks, employers are becoming increasingly likely to hire “new machines” instead of “new people.”
• Valuable:
• The High-Skilled Workers - good at working with intelligent machines
• The Superstars - now marketplace become accessible from all over the world. People will choose the best
• The Owners - capital + labor = return. Labor become more elite, so capital has more impact
• Two Core Abilities for Thriving in the New Economy - both requires deep works
• The ability to quickly master hard things.
• The ability to produce at an elite level, in terms of both quality and speed.
• Deliberate Practice
• Your attention is focused tightly on a specific skill you’re trying to improve or an idea you’re trying to master
• You receive feedback so you can correct your approach to keep your attention exactly where it’s most productive.
• Why it’s important to focus intensely on the task at hand while avoiding distraction is because this is the only way to isolate the relevant neural circuit enough to trigger useful myelination. By contrast, if you’re trying to learn a complex new skill in a state of low concentration (perhaps you also have your Facebook feed open), you’re firing too many circuits simultaneously and haphazardly to isolate the group of neurons you actually want to strengthen.
• High-Quality Work Produced = (Time Spent) x (Intensity of Focus). 

2. Deep Work is Rare

• The Principle of Least Resistance: In a business setting, without clear feedback on the impact of various behaviors to the bottom line, we will tend toward behaviors that are easiest in the moment.
• Why culture of connectivity persist:
• In the environment where we can get answer or specific piece of information quickly, life become easier -  no need advance planning, organizing, preparing
• Easier to spend time in our inbox than planning the day with advanced task management
• Instead of trying to manage their time and obligations themselves, they let the impending meeting each week force them to take some action on a given project and more generally provide
• The Principle of Least Resistance, protected from scrutiny by the metric black hole, supports work cultures that save us from the short-term discomfort of concentration and planning, at the expense of long-term satisfaction and the production of real value.
• Busyness as Proxy for Productivity: In the absence of clear indicators of what it means to be productive and valuable in their jobs, many knowledge workers turn back toward an industrial indicator of productivity: doing lots of stuff in a visible manner.

3. Deep Work is Meaningful

• On our worst days, it can seem that all knowledge work boils down to the same exhausting roil of e-mails and PowerPoint, with only the charts used in the slides differentiating one career from another.
• These elderly subjects were not happier because their life circumstances were better than those of the young subjects; they were instead happier because they had rewired their brains to ignore the negative and savor the positive.
• In work (and especially knowledge work), to increase the time you spend in a state of depth is to leverage the complex machinery of the human brain in a way that for several different neurological reasons maximizes the meaning and satisfaction you’ll associate with your working life.
• “The best moments usually occur when a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.”
• Ironically, jobs are actually easier to enjoy than free time, because like flow activities they have built-in goals, feedback rules, and challenges, all of which encourage one to become involved in one’s work, to concentrate and lose oneself in it. Free time, on the other hand, is unstructured, and requires much greater effort to be shaped into something that can be enjoyed.
• Whether you’re a writer, marketer, consultant, or lawyer: Your work is craft, and if you hone your ability and apply it with respect and care, then like the skilled wheelwright you can generate meaning in the daily efforts of your professional life. You don’t need a rarified job; you need instead a rarified approach to your work.

PART 2 - THE RULES

1. Work Deeply

• The key to developing a deep work habit is to move beyond good intentions and add routines and rituals to your working life designed to minimize the amount of your limited willpower necessary to transition into and maintain a state of unbroken concentration.
• Any time he could find some free time, he would switch into a deep work mode. This habit also requires a sense of confidence in your abilities— a conviction that what you’re doing is important and will succeed.
• “[ Great creative minds] think like artists but work like accountants.”
• Discipline #1: Focus on the Wildly Important:  
• “The more you try to do, the less you actually accomplish.” 
• “If you want to win the war for attention, don’t try to say ‘no’ to the trivial distractions you find on the information smorgasbord; try to say ‘yes’ to the subject that arouses a terrifying longing, and let the terrifying longing crowd out everything else.”
• Discipline #2: Act on the Lead Measures
• Lag measures describe the thing you’re ultimately trying to improve.
• Lead measures, on the other hand, “measure the new behaviors that will drive success on the lag measures.”  Lead measures turn your attention to improving the behaviors you directly control in the near future that will then have a positive impact on your long-term goals.
• Discipline #3: Keep a Compelling Scoreboard
• Discipline #4: Create a Cadence of Accountability - weekly review
• At the end of the workday, shut down your consideration of work issues until the next morning— no after-dinner e-mail check, no mental replays of conversations, and no scheming about how you’ll handle an upcoming challenge; shut down work thinking completely.

2. Embrace Boredom

• Much in the same way that athletes must take care of their bodies outside of their training sessions, you’ll struggle to achieve the deepest levels of concentration if you spend the rest of your time fleeing the slightest hint of boredom.
• People who multitask all the time can’t filter out irrelevancy. They can’t manage a working memory. They’re chronically distracted. They initiate much larger parts of their brain that are irrelevant to the task at hand… they’re pretty much mental wrecks.
• Improving your ability to concentrate intensely and overcoming your desire for distraction.
• Instead of scheduling the occasional break from distraction so you can focus, you should instead schedule the occasional break from focus to give in to distraction. The key here isn’t to avoid or even to reduce the total amount of time you spend engaging in distracting behavior, but is instead to give yourself plenty of opportunities throughout your evening to resist switching to these distractions at the slightest hint of boredom.
• Identify a deep task (that is, something that requires deep work to complete) that’s high on your priority list. Estimate how long you’d normally put aside for an obligation of this type, then give yourself a hard deadline that drastically reduces this time. If possible, commit publicly to the deadline— for example, by telling the person expecting the finished project when they should expect it. If this isn’t possible (or if it puts your job in jeopardy), then motivate yourself by setting a countdown timer on your phone and propping it up where you can’t avoid seeing it as you work. At this point, there should be only one possible way to get the deep task done in time: working with great intensity— no e-mail breaks, no daydreaming, no Facebook browsing, no repeated trips to the coffee machine. Like Roosevelt at Harvard, attack the task with every free neuron until it gives way under your unwavering barrage of concentration.
• The goal of productive meditation is to take a period in which you’re occupied physically but not mentally— walking, jogging, driving, showering— and focus your attention on a single well-defined professional problem.
• Suggestion #1: Be Wary of Distractions and Looping
• Suggestion #2: Structure Your Deep Thinking - This cycle of reviewing and storing variables, identifying and tackling the next-step question, then consolidating your gains is like an intense workout routine for your concentration ability.

3. Quit Social Media

• The Any-Benefit Approach to Network Tool Selection: You’re justified in using a network tool if you can identify any possible benefit to its use, or anything. If you don’t attempt to weigh pros against cons, but instead use any glimpse of some potential benefit as justification for unrestrained use of a tool, then you’re unwittingly crippling your ability to succeed in the world of knowledge work.
• The Craftsman Approach to Tool Selection: Identify the core factors that determine success and happiness in your professional and personal life. Adopt a tool only if its positive impacts on these factors substantially outweigh its negative impacts.
• The Law of the Vital Few*: In many settings, 80 percent of a given effect is due to just 20 percent of the possible causes.
• If you want to eliminate the addictive pull of entertainment sites on your time and attention, give your brain a quality alternative. 

4. Drain the Shallows

• Decide in advance what you’re going to do with every minute of your workday.
• How to measure depth of certain task: How long would it take (in months) to train a smart recent college graduate with no specialized training in my field to complete this task? - then focus on the most deep task
• Fixed schedule productivity: Finish your work by 17:30. A commitment to fixed-schedule productivity, shifts you into a scarcity mind-set. The limits to our time necessitate more careful thinking about our organizational habits, also leading to more value produced as compared to longer but less organized schedules.

Don't Waste Your Life

 Author: John Piper (2007)

"God created us to live with a single passion to joyfully display his supreme excellence in all the spheres of life.

The wasted life is the life without this passion.

God calls us to pray and think and dream and plan and work not to be made much of, but to make much of him in every part of our lives."

How to apply this passion in secular works?

1. We can make much of God in our secular job through the fellowship that we enjoy with him throughout the day in all our work. We work with God, by breathing continual thanks to Him and taking God's promises to work.
2. We make much of Christ in our secular work by the joyful, trusting, God-exalting design of our creativity and industry. God created us for work so that by consciously relying on His power and consciously shaping the world after His excellence, we might be satisfied in Him, and He might be glorified in us. 
3. We make much of Christ in our secular work when it confirms and enhances the portrait of Christ’s glory that people hear in the spoken gospel. By having such high standards of excellence and such integrity and such manifest goodwill that we put no obstacles in the way of the gospel but rather call attention to the all-satisfying beauty of Christ.
4. We make much of Christ in our secular work by earning enough money to keep us from depending on others, while focusing on the helpfulness of our work rather than financial rewards. “Do not work for the food that perishes, but for the food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give to you” (John 6: 27).
5. We make much of Christ in our secular work by earning money with the desire to use our money to make others glad in God. Work to have to give.
6. We make much of Christ in our secular work by treating the web of relationships it creates as a gift of God to be loved by sharing the gospel and by practical deeds of help. “Faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ” (Rom. 10: 17).

The Day You Became A Better Writer - Scott Adams

 

https://dilbertblog.typepad.com/the_dilbert_blog/2007/06/the_day_you_bec.html

Fanati koremsium

Ini adalah cerita tentang seorang pemuda yang berasal dari Negeri Jiran. Pasti kita bertanya, apa itu Jiran? Jiran adalah keadaan ketika sepatu bertemu dengan air hujan. Jiran adalah seikat kebersamaan yang menari di tengah api. Jiran, adalah kita. 

Cukup tentang Jiran, mari kita masuk ke inti cerita. Seorang pemuda itu menangis, menjerit, memekik sekuat hatinya mengijinkan. Tidak ada yang menghiraukannya. Semua orang sibuk dengan kehidupan masing-masing. Itulah resiko tinggal di Ibu Kota, pikirnya. Untung saja ada seorang bijak yang baik hati, mengijinkan kepalanya mengitari bahaya tersebut.

“Tolong!”, teriak orang bijak tersebut.

“Apa yang terjadi?”, pemuda tersebut tergesa-gesa menghampirinya, meninggalkan jejak-jejak makanan yang jelas terlihat.

“Aku tidak bisa memangsa cucuku,” tangis orang tersebut.

“Kamu ditakdirkan untuk itu. Hanya kamu yang mampu!”, pemuda tersebut memegang pundak sang orang bijak dan mengguncangnya keras. Guncangan itu terasa sampai ke telinga Sri Ayu.

“Cukup!”, Sri Ayu mengibaskan selendangnya dan terbang menuruni bumi. “Lepaskan dia atau aku akan teriak!”

Pemuda tersebut terkekeh.

“Ilmu kamu tidak cukup kuat Sri Ayu!”, pemuda tersebut mengambil batu kerikil dan melemparkannya ke arah Sri Ayu.

“Bagaimana kamu tahu namaku?!”, Sri Ayu yang terkejut kehilangan keseimbangan, terhuyung jatuh ke arah selatan. Sri Ayu merasakan batu kerikil melesat sedikit di atas kepalanya.

Suara letusan terdengar keras.

“Fanati koremsium”, suara tersebut diucapkan sang bijak, tetapi suara yang muncul sama sekali bukan suaranya.

Pemuda tersebut melihat ke arah seorang bijak yang masih dipegangnya, namun dia hanya mendapati sepasang mata merah menyala yang memandangnya penuh kebencian.

“Sri Ayu! Kemana tubuh pria ini?!”

“Aku mencoba menghentikanmu”, ujar Sri Ayu pelan. “Orang itu adalah Robert sang Penakluk”

“Tidaaaaak!!”, teriak pemuda tersebut. 

Namun semua sudah terlambat. Sepasang mata yang merah menyala tersebut berubah menjadi kawah putih. Pemuda tersebut seperti tersedot masuk ke dalam tanah, semakin lama semakin cepat. Seluruh tubuhnya kini telah meleleh, menyisakan dua bola mata yang melayang di udara. Kawah tersebut berubah menjadi merah, sangat merah sehingga hari seakan berubah menjadi senja. Pusaran air muncul di dalam kawah tersebut, menelan semua yang ada di sekitarnya. Sama cepatnya seperti kemunculannya, pusaran tersebut kemudian hilang, menyisakan dua bola mata yang kini berwarna merah menyala, yang jatuh ke tanah dan bergulir tanpa arah.

Sri Ayu melepaskan selendangnya, membungkus kedua bola mata tersebut dengan selendangnya.

“Terima kasih cucuku”, Sri Ayu mendekatkan gulungan selendang itu ke wajahnya yang penuh air mata.

Fanati koremsium, batin Sri Ayu sambil terbang menjauh.

Parenting Tips from A Child - Tips Praktis Menjadi Orangtua, dari Seorang Anak

Berikut ini adalah catatan-catatan mengenai Parenting, dari seseorang yang belum menjadi orangtua. Bersumber dari berbagai observasi, diharapkan bisa membawa manfaat bagi orang yang membacanya (dan untuk penulis bila kelak memiliki anak).

1. Jangan batasi kreatifitas anak.

Ketika mengajarkan anak, jangan beritahukan caranya, beritahukan konsep dan tujuannya, dan jadikan cara kita sendiri hanya sebagai contoh. Banyak cara dalam mencapai satu tujuan.

Contoh kasus: membuka tutup botol, mencuci baju, dsb

2. Jangan pernah mengatakan "kamu ga bisa" ke anak.

Semangati anak, atau beritahukan hal-hal yang harus dia kuasai sebelum dia dapat melakukan hal tersebut.
Contoh: bernyanyi, naik kendaraan umum sendiri (asalkan sudah tahu caranya), dsb

3. Berikan tanggung jawab ke anak untuk meningkatkan kepercayaan dirinya karena dia dipecaya, belajar bertanggung jawab.
Contoh: Mengunci jendela, dsb

4. Jangan membuat anak khawatir berlebihan, jangan berfokus pada hal-hal buruk yang dapat terjadi, namun fokus pada cara melakukan yang benar.
Contoh:  Jangan mengatakan kalau pintu tidak dikunci nanti ada maling, kalau berenang nanti tenggelam, kalau tidak bergandengan tangan nanti hilang, kalau naik sepeda nanti jatuh, dsb

5. Jangan membuat anak takut dengan orang lain, perbanyak interaksi anak dengan orang lain agar meningkatkan kemampuan komunikasi dan kepercayaan dirinya.
Contoh: belanja ke warung, menerima tamu, dsb

6. Jangan membatasi jam tidur anak,  namun ciptakan situasi di mana anak termotivasi untuk bangun pagi. Bila hanya dibatasi jam tidur tanpa penjelasan, ketika dewasa anak akan cenderung merasa tidak ada orang lagi yang melarang sehingga dapat bebas bergadang.
Contoh: buatkan anak sarapan yang enak di pagi hari, atau berikan semacam hadiah bila anak tersebut dapat bangun sendiri tanpa dibangunkan

7. Selalu jelaskan alasan di balik setiap ajaran

8. Bila anak berbuat kesalahan, ada dua kemungkinan.

Pertama, dan yang paling sering terjadi, adalah anak tidak mengetahui apa yang dia perbuat itu salah. Ketika dimarahi anak akan bingung, dan bila terlalu sering dimarahi, akhirnya anak malah akan cenderung berbohong hanya untuk menghindari dimarahi, bahkan saat dirinya tidak salah. Contohnya bila dimarahi "kamu sengaja muntah karena ga suka makanannya ya?" anak akan takut dan berpikir segala cara agar tidak dimarahi, meskipun kenyataannya anak sedang sakit.
Kedua, bila anak sudah tahu apa yang dilakukannya salah namun tetap dilakukan, tanyalah alasan mengapa dia melakukannya. Tentu anak tidak akan menjawab "karena aku nakal", namun akan mengatakan jawaban yang akan membantu anda lebih memahami dia. INGAT! kejujuran tidak akan diperoleh dengan bersikap galak atau memarahi anak. Memarahi bahkan dapat membuat anak menjadi tidak menyukai atau menghormati orangtuanya.

9. Jangan pernah tertawakan kegagalan anak, karena anak bisa takut mencoba karena takut ditertawakan

10. Kadang, anak berbohong hanya karena takut dimarahi. Lebih penting anak berkata jujur dan kita bisa mengoreksinya daripada hanya memarahi anak tanpa hasil.

11. Bila ingin anak bercerita, jangan bereaksi berlebihan. Misalkan anak sekali bercerita bahwa dia diejek temannya, sering kali sang anak hanya ingin didengar dan ditemani, namun sang ibu malah datang ke sekolah dan melapor guru. Keesokan harinya sang anak malah di cap anak mami, mendapat gangguan dan ejekan yang semakin parah, namun tidak memberitahu ibunya karena takut akan bereaksi berlebihan kembali

12. Jangan pernah memarahi anak atas apa yang ada pada dirinya, namun marahi sikapnya. Misalnya jangan mengatakan "kamu anak bandel, kamu tidak berguna, kamu anaknya iri hatian, kamu anak bodoh", karena alam bawah sadar anak akan menyetujui hal itu sehingga ada kalanya dia merasa "pantas saja saya tidak bisa, saya kan anak bodoh"

13. Jangan biarkan kakak bersikap tidak adil kepada adik dan sebaliknya, jangan berikan cap "kakak baik sedangkan adik nakal" atau semacamnya. Biasanya, adik akan menyenangi kakaknya dan hanya meresponi sikap kakaknya. Bila sang adik iri, mungkin karena sang kakak egois. Bila adik pelit, mungkin karena sang kakak terlebih dahulu pelit. Ingat, seorang anak yang lebih kecil tidak hanya belajar dari ayah dan ibu namun juga melalui sikap kakak.

14. Biasakan anak agar tidak menunda-nunda pekerjaan. Bila selesai makan langsung cuci piring, bila ada PR langsung dikerjakan (namun juga tidak kaku bila ada momen-momen tertentu misalnya ada acara tivi yang disenanginya yang hanya ada pada jam tersebut). Hal ini akan mengembangkan kerajinan dan tanggung jawab anak yang akan terbawa sampai dewasa.

15. Jika ada masalah, bicarakan sampai mengerti perasaan masing-masing, tujuan utamanya bukan jalan keluar 

16. Bila berisik, jangan suruh anak diam, biarkan mereka mengerti alasannya. Berisik boleh, tapi ada tempat dan aturannya. Salah kita kalau anak jadi pendiam,  tidak mau mengobrol saat kumpul keluarga. Berisik boleh, semangat saat diminta guru cerita depan kelas

17. Kalau anak berbuat baik, misal sedang makan makanan favoritnya, tapi tetap memberikan ke orang tuanya, jangan di tolak. Tunjukan kalo perbuatan baik membuat orang bahagia, sehingga dia juga melakukan ke orang lain. Kalau ditolak, anak bingung apa fungsinya berbuat baik, orangnya pun tidak menunjukan kebahagiaan. Kalau niat baik cara salah juga jangan dimarahi tanpa penjelasan, misal masak untuk ibu tapi dapur hancur berantakan

18. Biarkan anak belajar melalui tugas, seperti memasak nasi, memanaskan makanan, memotong buah, dsb. Berikan anak tugas khusus, misal mengunci jendela setiap malam untuk melatih tanggung jawab

19. Ketika anak mau terbuka dengan kita, jangan langsung menjudge apakah dia salah atau benar, dengarkan saja dulu. Contoh anak bilang dia benci sama temannya. Hal ini sudah lama dipendam dan  tidak pernah diceritakan kepada siapapun. Kalau kalimat pertama yang keluar dari kita adalah "tidak boleh begitu!", anak akan malas cerita dan justru dipendam. Akhirnya dibiarkan saja menumpuk bertahun-tahun tanpa ada penyelesaian. Kalau kita mendengar dengan baik, kita bisa mulai berpikir bagaimana merekonsiliasi hubungan mereka. Semua orang tua kalau ditanya apakah mereka mengajarkan anak untuk jujur atau tidak, pasti dijawab jujur. Padahal kenyataannya sikap kita tidak mendukung dan mengapresiasi kejujuran anak

20. Kepemilikan tubuh.

Bila orangtua mau pegang bagian-bagian tubuh anak, harus minta ijin terlebih dulu. Anak berhak menolak jika tidak mau dipegang. Sehingga terbiasa sampai ke luar rumah

21. Growth mentality
Bila sekarang ga bisa matematika, jangan dilabel sebagai orang yang selamanya tidak bisa matematika, tapi bisa bertumbuh menjadi bisa

About Idol Marriage

I'm always sad whenever my idols get married.

Some people often consider it as pathetic, sad, or "halu". The most common argument that they use are:
1. Like you have a chance with her
2. You should be happy for her

My reason is actually completely logical. The one that "halu" is actually those people.

Let take Kana Hanazawa as example, a seiyuu idol, which she got married recently (sad noises). In my mind, there are two parts of Her:
1. Kanahana as entertainer
2. Kanahana as a person

Everything that can be consumed by public, whether it's her voice acting, singing, acting, even tweeting or any activity that known by public, are done by Kanahana as entertainer (no 1). This Kanahana is "owned" by public. You are free to praise her for her work, or criticize, or love her, whatever. That's how it's supposed to be.

The second part of her is Kanahana as a person. This side is unknown to public. We don't "own" this Kanahana, and we know nothing about it. She can be married to anyone, she can have completely different personality, she can do whatever she wants really. We, don't have any rights to do anything about this Kanahana. Some people like to pry to this part, then judge her for that. I'm not like that, I'm not "halu"

Then, why I am sad when her got married?
It's simply because my egoistic side as a fan. It's common that when people are married especially in Japan, they will take less work. They focus will be shifted from work to family.

In short, less Kanahana as entertainer, more Kanahana as a person.

My portion of Kanahana that I "owned" is reduced. Less content of her that I can enjoy. Furthermore, the marriage probably will affect the Kanahana as entertainer. Maybe it will be affecting her interaction with her friends. Not because she want to change, but you cannot joke about yuri anymore once you married right? Not only the portion is reduced, the content will probably changed also. Some content that I might love so much from her.

So, regarding the common arguments from people that judge people that sad when their idol is getting married,

1. Like you have a chance with her
I don't. I know from beginning. Marriage belong to Kanahana as person, which I don't touch from beginning. How about you?

2. You should be happy for her
I'm her fan, not her mom. I don't act like I have any personal relation with her. How about you?